Weak Week

Had a spotty week with workouts...Wednesday was my off day so I should have done cardio on Thursday but I overslept and didn't (of course) get it in that night. I got my strength training in on Friday which means today should have been cardio. Again, that didn't happen. It's so frustrating. I just feel like it's so hard to get it all in. And if I miss in the morning that usually means that there is no chance of making it up. Almost every night Benny is gone until at least 8 which means there is no parental relief and I can't run that close to eating dinner, or I have a mess to clean up or I'm just too exhausted. There is always something. And I honestly don't feel like I'm looking for excuses - I feel disappointed and frustrated.

We had Relay For Life last night. I couldn't stay the whole night like last year because two kids and a Mommy that has had zero sleep is not a good combination. My two sisters are such rock stars - they are amazing. They ran our team and planned, organized, and worked away on so many different aspects of the event. I am so proud of both of them. And they let me skim along on the team and never, ever made me feel bad that I didn't pull my weight. That's real love. It was a good event, always touching. Of course, it made me miss my Pawpaw so much...and it forces you to really think about the millions of people effected by cancer.

During the luminaria ceremony names of those who had passed were read. At first I was thinking that it's kinda weird that in the end that's what it comes down to - a name read off a list. But our lives are so much more than that. And when I heard my Pawpaw's name I immediately thought of his laugh and his smile...and it wasn't just his name, it was everything that he ever was to me. And it really was about a celebration of his life - a celebration of who he was. And I think that is what it's about - your life is really a summary of all the impressions you leave behind so that when your name is called it's these things that people see, these things people know about you.

When my name is read I hope to leave behind these things:
*That I loved big. And hard. And sometimes too much.
*That I lived big. And hard. And sometimes not enough.
*That I didn't take myself too seriously, that I was always the first to laugh at myself.
*That I wasn't afraid to embarrass myself or act silly - that I enjoyed laughter over pride.
*That I wasn't perfect.
*That I always tried to see the positive and make the best of everything.
*That I tried to make my life count.
*That I loved God.
*That family was everything for me.
*That the greatest love I ever felt developed the very day I saw the pink little lines on those tests.
*That the greatest honor I ever had in my life, without a doubt, would be getting the opportunity to serve as a steward over the lives of M and M2.