It's A Bird, It's A Plane...

Finally made it back to the gym today. 

That statement totally makes it sound like I really work out. Which I don't. Really what I should say is I finally made it back to that place where I shuffle around on a treadmill watching other people really working out.

And this is kinda mean but today the chick next to me whipped around on her treadmill and made a big production of running backwards. The two other ladies jumped off their treadmill to come over and watch. It was really kinda impressive but since I'm catty and jealous I was concentrating on my own work out,  I pretended I didn't notice.

Then she shot across the room.

Not all the way across, because some equipment slowed her down, but far enough that I could tell she needed some practice on her flying technique. I know that happens when you show off like an idiot it was embarrassing so I didn't practice discretion as she picked herself up.

But I don't feel too bad because I'm pretty sure I caught her sneaking a peak at my stomach jiggling, so it all kinda evens out...

Did That Just Happen?

Contrary to popular belief, the hardest part about returning from vacation is not the task of unpacking the luggage. Although that part does totally suck. Why are there 10x more clothes to put up than there were to put in? How does it just keep multiplying? Its like The Blob- clothes are seeping over, ready to attack. At least the only thing that blob is killing is my will to live...which is why I spent ALL day Sunday knocking that out. It's just better to get it over and done with.

And if you've never seen The Blob,  you must! Not because it's great cinema but because everyone should be subjected to at least one over-acted, low-budget, campy sci-fi thriller in their lifetime. Ask my Mom.

No, the hardest part about returning from vacation is that you actually have to return. Unless you're a trophy wife or a Kardashian...then I think life is a vacation all the time.

So we had a blast. Shocking I know. I mean really, is there such a thing as a bad vacation? Just forget about my complaints from last year...it was still vacation!

Not a huge fan of Disneyland - the crowds, the lines, the heat...I know it's totally me but not really fond of someone pressed up against me so close I feel like they should slip me a $20. And for what? See the 1 million people in front of me? They all get to go first and no amount of your hot breath on my neck is changing that. It must be my age because Ive been a few times before and I don't remember any of that bothering me.

Of course it was also a holiday weekend. That was brilliant timing.

And it's different too with kids. It changes the experience because it really was ALL about them and their happiness. It was totally worth it. Every hour in line, every overpriced trinket, every sweaty man that elbowed me in the head. All. Totally. Worth. It. Just amazing to watch their little faces light up.

Here are a couple random vacationy pics. I swear I took at least 4,000. Almost all of the hubby and kids. But respecting the request of the hubby, you'll only get to see the ones that feature my mug. Apologies.

I walked around the ENTIRE airport with my tank top pulled down! Not one of the three people I was traveling with told me that my bra was showing!
Two of those are under the age of 8, so they get a free pass.

 

 

Santa Monica pier, which was awesome by the way.

Headed home!

I have an awesome tan but also three different awesome tan lines.

 

We had down time too so we kicked around on the beach and just...hung out. No rush, no schedule- just enjoying each other. That was my favorite part.

It's also what made it so hard to go back to work today. It's always hard but this was...different. Things are just so super busy and stressful and my tolerance of bureaucratic/political bs is at an all-time low. And its not really where I'm at- you get it everywhere. Every job, every institution. Unless your at the top of the chain reaping the benefits, it really kinda blows. And now that I know I won't have to deal with it too much longer, its hard to deal with it at all.

My husband is ecstatic about all this. Not that he enjoys seeing me stressed or upset (most the time anyway) but he told me hes kinda glad because he thinks it will be easier for me to leave. He's still not certain I can do it. And maybe that's part of it...maybe I'm focusing on dissatisfaction as a way to disengage.

I don't know. But I was thinking today how grateful I'll be when all I have to focus on is our family. Then later in the afternoon I was chatting with a friend who brought up someone from grad school. He has his Ph.D now. He went through a program that would have been perfect for me- catered to working adults, it offered classes on nights and weekends. But I was pregnant with M2 and the timing was off. Then they discontinued the program. We both talked about how perfect that would have been, how we wish we coulda/woulda done it. And I felt a little pang of jealousy at what he had accomplished.

Then 5 minutes later I opened an email forwarded by our campus President. They're bringing the program back. How weird is that? Right after talking about it this email pops up...My heart leapt- it was like oh my God, I might be able to do this! Which is really strange because I had already decided I wasn't going back to school. But I got so excited at the possibility...I was surprised at how much I still wanted it. I thought I had settled on a no.

And then I thought about staying home and I knew it wouldn't work. How could I justify getting a Ph.D to carpool kids all day? It makes no sense. And when I talked to hubby he pretty much threw down the gauntlet- Ph.D or stay home. But not both. For practical and understandable reasons...

It isn't even a question of which is more important but I'm like a fat kid having to choose between ice cream or cake. But I want them both! *stomping feet and sobbing huge alligator tears

What this has done though is make me realize that the door may not be shut. Maybe this is something I really want. Maybe I'm not as blase' about it as I thought...and if I want it when the time is right then I can do it. Who knows how I'll feel in 5 or 10 years? Or even tomorrow?

Actually, I know exactly how I'll feel tomorrow...tired!  Because if I run upstairs right now I might get 4 hours sleep...doesn't take a genius to figure out the decision on that one! Here's to beauty sleep...

Nevermind

So I don't know...I guess in my last post I was just feeling reflective. That's what happens when I stay up too late and don't have anything better to do. Misguided energy - the curse of every insomniac. At least I can stay up late blogging, instead of organizing my closet to perfection. I used to be a real clothes horse - I think I probably shopped about every week - I had tons and tons of clothes. And I would be up at 2 in the morning, organizing away. Now I just blog.

But today I'm not feeling reflective or interested. Totally not in the mood to travel down memory lane. Partly because I'm in prep mode - I'm trying to get us ready for vacation.  So far I'm on schedule but that worries me because that usually means I'm forgetting about something big. But we've got our flight, our hotel and I get tickets to Disney on Friday. So that's all the important stuff, right?

I'm off to finish this pile of laundry. Step 1 in the packing process almost complete...

Northern Stars

So something happened the other day.

I was at the park with M2, pushing her on the swing when I had a sudden and random recollection of something a former boyfriend had once said to me. And I guess in actuality it wasn't that random - it was, after all, directly linked to my thoughts. But it felt random - that something said so long ago, something I haven't thought about in years, had suddenly floated up front and center in my mind.

Not that having memories from a previous relationship is strange. But it's usually tied to some event, experience, something we've done...not just some random, old, insignificant conversation.  It was weird that the memory was so vivid and clear, like recalling a conversation that happened yesterday. We're talking about something that was said almost 20 years ago. I can barely remember things said last week...

Really though, the memory itself seemed odd. I'm so far removed and disconnected from it that it was almost like recalling a scene from a movie. Like we were characters and that wasn't really me. And I guess, in a way, it's not. Not me now, today. It was hard to recognize that person. For a multitude of reasons. But mainly because that's the thing about change - once you move to a point, it's really hard to remember what it was like before you got there.

But I understand that these layers, these events - all these things in life that we experience - they all play a role in shaping where we are. I would have liked to believe that I walked away from every relationship unscathed, unchanged and unmarked.  But I know that isn't possible. Even if I don't think about or recall the conversations, they had some impact. Not singularly, of course, but collectively they've made an imprint.

This one in particular was a doozy.

Tomorrow is our anniversary so it probably seems odd that I’m talking about past relationships. But it isn’t, really. After all, isn’t it all kinda interrelated?  I mean honestly, the beginning of my relationship with my husband was shaped before I ever even knew him. 

Because I’m a sentimental sap, I dried and saved all the roses I’ve ever been given. When we got married, I took the petals from the roses of former boyfriends and the flower girls sprinkled those down the aisle. Because it really was those past relationships that lead me to my husband. Those relationships were over and gone but they were still meaningful and important in their own way.

And I liked the satisfaction of crushing those symbols of love under my feet.

So I'm dedicating this week’s blogging to past love. Probably not the most entertaining reading but a lot cheaper than therapy. Be scared, very, very scared...

 

Butt Mom...

So this was just too funny not to share...

We ran to Homeland to pick up a few things and as we get in line I hear M say "Mom, this looks just like you!"  I look up and she's pointing to this:

She saw the look of surprise on my face and quickly added "But you know, not so...big." and then looked to see if that was okay. And I was surprised. For multiple reasons...

The opportunity for a teachable moment overrode my shock so I smiled and replied, "It's okay, I think Mommy's butt is bigger than that - and that's okay." Because I want my girls to love themselves and their bodies, no matter what their size and I know they learn most of that from watching me. So yeah, I'm gonna rock this big ol' butt.

Then I was seriously compelled to break out singing "I like big butts and I can not lie. You other brothers can't deny..." But I refrained.

Although I was singing it in my head for the rest of the night...

Thunderstruck

The first words out of my mouth this morning were "You missed an awesome game."

Last night's Thunder game was amazing. Even if you aren't a Thunder fan, you just have to appreciate that level of basketball. It was close enough throughout the game that you actually believed there was a chance - we're all at home on our couches chanting "Come on guys, come on!" and then, at the very, very end they pulled out the win. Ah-mazing.

I normally don't mind, actually kind of like, that my husband goes to bed so early. But not last night - that was so not a game that should have been watched alone. I don't know, I just felt like I needed someone to share in the excitement with me. It's just not the same when you high-five yourself...

I went to bed right after so I didn't watch any of the post-game interviews but I did hear it on the radio coming in to work this morning.  And I totally get the emotion behind it, but really Doc Rivers? There were a ton of bad calls during game 4 - a ton! Could they have changed the course of the game? Yes, but that's just part of the game. Disappointing and sometimes unfair...but generally understood and accepted.  Not to mention they didn't call the foul! So let's just say they did give the ball to the Clippers and they won - who would have been robbed then?

So his take was kinda interesting...I'm sure all coaches have felt that way but it kinda felt like bad sportsmanship to me. And apparently the NBA agrees since they've slapped him with a fine.

Either way, these games are good and only going to get more intense. Let's get a win for game 6 and close this out!

 

Green Thumb Envy

So our sweet little town awards "Yard of The Month". This prestigious title is bestowed to the owner of the most well-manicured and perfect lawn and is punctuated with a lovely white sign that proudly declares "Yard of The Month" so that all that drive by can adequately revel at such a glorious yard. 

Really, there are only about a dozen or so homes that ever get the honor - there's just not that many of us that are willing or able to put that much time and energy into grass.  Apparently this really burns our neighbors up.  The wife is on a crusade to win Yard of The Month, at no cost.

A few months ago I noticed a serious of ornaments and other items displayed haphazardly in the their yard.  At first, I thought they were preparing for a garage sale and I began to quietly pre-select some items I found interesting. But that weekend, as I headed over to make a winning offer of $1.25, I witnessed my neighbor furiously arranging and rearranging.  Apparently, all of these items had been intentionally and thoughtfully laid out and she was simply doing "yard work". Which I thought required actually working on the yard...but what do I know?

So every weekend she's out there doing something different. And the collection of items and their showcase gets more and more bizarre. The husband confided that she believes the "Yard of The Month" is rigged and that they aren't connected enough to win. So she's out to prove it's all a big, fat lie.

In the meantime, I'm living next door to what can only be described as...interesting.

This is only one section of the yard:  

Is that a heap of dirt?  And little bird houses on rocks?

 

Yes, this is the finished product.  Because everyone understands that a pile of dirt is what wins you the best yard on the block! Wait...what are those little things on top of the tree stump...could those be...surely not...

Why yes, yes they are!  Because no yard is complete without tiny fairy dolls.

I'm about one more item away from painting my own little white sign and sticking it in her yard. Except mine will say "Your Freakin Yard Looks Fantastic. STOP the madness!"