Weak Week

Had a spotty week with workouts...Wednesday was my off day so I should have done cardio on Thursday but I overslept and didn't (of course) get it in that night. I got my strength training in on Friday which means today should have been cardio. Again, that didn't happen. It's so frustrating. I just feel like it's so hard to get it all in. And if I miss in the morning that usually means that there is no chance of making it up. Almost every night Benny is gone until at least 8 which means there is no parental relief and I can't run that close to eating dinner, or I have a mess to clean up or I'm just too exhausted. There is always something. And I honestly don't feel like I'm looking for excuses - I feel disappointed and frustrated.

We had Relay For Life last night. I couldn't stay the whole night like last year because two kids and a Mommy that has had zero sleep is not a good combination. My two sisters are such rock stars - they are amazing. They ran our team and planned, organized, and worked away on so many different aspects of the event. I am so proud of both of them. And they let me skim along on the team and never, ever made me feel bad that I didn't pull my weight. That's real love. It was a good event, always touching. Of course, it made me miss my Pawpaw so much...and it forces you to really think about the millions of people effected by cancer.

During the luminaria ceremony names of those who had passed were read. At first I was thinking that it's kinda weird that in the end that's what it comes down to - a name read off a list. But our lives are so much more than that. And when I heard my Pawpaw's name I immediately thought of his laugh and his smile...and it wasn't just his name, it was everything that he ever was to me. And it really was about a celebration of his life - a celebration of who he was. And I think that is what it's about - your life is really a summary of all the impressions you leave behind so that when your name is called it's these things that people see, these things people know about you.

When my name is read I hope to leave behind these things:
*That I loved big. And hard. And sometimes too much.
*That I lived big. And hard. And sometimes not enough.
*That I didn't take myself too seriously, that I was always the first to laugh at myself.
*That I wasn't afraid to embarrass myself or act silly - that I enjoyed laughter over pride.
*That I wasn't perfect.
*That I always tried to see the positive and make the best of everything.
*That I tried to make my life count.
*That I loved God.
*That family was everything for me.
*That the greatest love I ever felt developed the very day I saw the pink little lines on those tests.
*That the greatest honor I ever had in my life, without a doubt, would be getting the opportunity to serve as a steward over the lives of M and M2.

Jelly Belly

So it dawned on me that I've been forgetting to do abs! Yes, I really did forget. And no, I don't know how that happened. I'm suppose to do abs on my cardio days...I guess after my runs I was so focused on recovering (breathe, breathe, breathe - don't pass out) that I just overlooked it.

It is surprising given the fact that my stomach is the worst part of my body - it undeniably needs the most work. Two pregnancies, two c-sections and you can imagine how bad it is...

I have never had a six pack. I've never even had a flat stomach. At one point though I had this little pouch on my lower stomach that I thought was kind of cute and sexy...um, it isn't when it gets about 10 pounds bigger. Then it just becomes a gut. And there is nothing sexy about that! So NO MORE forgetting about abs for me!

Benny is doing a soup diet before vacation. It's one of those extreme diets that I don't do well on - you eat nothing but this soup broth for a week...he's going to try to do it for two weeks to drop some quick weight before we hit the beach. I'm considering doing it the week before we leave but I'm not sure...my problem with those kind of diets is that I always binge afterwards...I just have so much trouble with discipline.

Of course, if it helps with this jelly belly I might actually do it...

Really, That's All?

I did it - ran second track without changing the speed! I didn't quit, even though I wanted to. Quiting is for losers and I am not a quitter... I'm not a loser either...at least on most days.

Ugh, it was tough this morning. But I feel great now. Thank you to AC/DC for kicking in some tunes to get me going just when I needed it the most.

Bad news is that according to my treadmill I only burned 176 calories. I'm like really, that's it? That's like a single granola bar or something insane...I feel like I should have burned off enough for at least two pieces of pizza....

But man, I feel great!

Hummm...

I've been in a reflective and somber mood today. Not sure why. Maybe the weather? Whatever the reason, I have been thinking about old friends who have passed through my life...

It's weird to have friendships that fail. We don't typically think about the ending of friendships in the same way that we do the ending of a romantic relationship but in essence, it's exactly the same. Sometimes even more difficult.

We invite people in, ask them to share our lives, want to share in theirs...really, there's a lot of intimacy in that...and sometimes it kinda stinks when it ends. And so today these old friends were floating through my mind...

I had a Relay For Life meeting tonight. We have one night to fight back, honor those who have passed, and celebrate those that have survived. It's a night that I hope will make a difference, even a small one. We've got an amazing team - I have done very little to help but they have been so patient and understanding with me and I am thankful to be able to participate.

I love the event, love raising money for such a great cause. But man, it is so hard to think about all the people that have lost to cancer. It's overwhelming. And terrifying. Cancer is vicious. I look at my baby girls and thank God that they are healthy. I simply can't fathom the pain of watching my child fight something like this...When I got home I put M to bed and she asked me to rock her. She hasn't done that in at least two years, it was really random but completely perfect. I scooped up this 35 pound girl whose body is almost as long as mine and I rocked her - just grateful that I have another day to enjoy a healthy child.

To save this from being a completely solemn rambling I would also like to share that I did workout this morning. Strength training day. Those have become my favorites - it's beginning to feel like a day off. Last night I was like thank goodness tomorrow is weights...it's such a relief from cardio. I only like cardio once it's over.

And I will end with...

Bad Mommy Confession #1205: With the exception of new packages of markers and travel cups, the items for the girls Easter baskets were recycled from the Easter baskets my Mother-in-law made them last year. Yes, I gave my kids re-gifted Easter baskets.

Happy Easter!

I got my cardio in this morning. I had a great run, I bumped up to the next running track on my treadmill. I thought I was going to die, sweat pouring down my body, I couldn't breathe...but I must confess at the very peak I had to reach over and decrease the speed just a teeny tiny bit...but I really had to, I could not keep up. That's how out of shape I am! But it's also a good measure for me to track my progress because I won't allow myself to keep pushing that button. Next time I'm running it all the way through. Even if I do pass out.

As bonus I got to run before the girls woke up - and that was just a miracle. Benny is here this morning but still, I didn't want to run with them awake, I'm too scared M2 will come in and with my headphones on I wouldn't hear her and that would just be bad...plus, I really wanted to be there when they came in and saw their Easter baskets. So I got to run AND shower before M came downstairs. Bonus!

So I'm all high from the good workout and I go to throw something together for breakfast and what do we have? Ugh...cinnamon rolls! I know! It's like why did I even waste my time on the treadmill if I'm going to put what is equivalent to a piece of cake into my body? I have no excuses for that one - just a really poor choice.

After church headed to my sister's house for some fun Easter festivities. I enjoy my family so much...going to be a great day no matter what.

I am so thankful for all I have been given, so thankful to be deeply and wonderfully loved despite my flaws. Thank you Jesus for giving your life for mine - for carrying the burden of my sins and transgressions. I know that burden was a heavy one.

Happy Easter!

Goodbye My Friends...

So this evening Benny looked at me and said in a slightly horrified tone, "Man, your boobs are getting small."


Those are always the first to go. *Sigh.


I was suppose to do cardio today. That obviously did not happen. I did, however, manage to pop a thousand bite-size snickers into my mouth while preparing the Easter stuff. Actually, make that one thousand and one.


I'm taking solace in the fact that I'm allowed one day off a week. I had planned to take off tomorrow since it's Easter. And our church is having a special service...which means a longer service...which means an earlier start time. And that simply translates into madness in my house. We get out of the house every day by 6:45 but the weekends come and suddenly 10:30 seems like a challenge.


So I'm back on the treadmill tomorrow, no matter what. Now, if I could just figure out how to get those snickers to fill out my top instead of my hips I would be set...

I love Saturdays. I especially love this Saturday because I got to take a nap! I put M2 down, plopped M in front of the tv and went to bed. I was so tired I didn't even care that I was letting the tv babysit M - yes baby, watch cartoons as long as you can. Really, Mommy doesn't care today.


And I needed that nap because I woke up really really crabby. So M's happy because she got a lot of cartoon time and I'm happy that I got to sleep and M2's just happy in general. Nice.


I did make the mistake of telling M that we would dye Easter eggs today so about every 30 seconds she ask me if it's time yet. I should have kept my mouth shut about that one! It's like a little machine stuck on repeat...except this machine doesn't have an off button.


So off to dye eggs before I go crazy. Or decide to go back to bed.