Freezer Burn

I had an event for work and ended up with some left-over popsicles,  which made their way back to my house. Not to worry, they were purchased with my own money - it was just a return on the investment.

This was kinda a big deal in the Mitchell house because I don't buy popsicles. At least it was a big deal for M. So she's been asking for one after dinner.  She's smart too because she always waits until after M2 goes to bed.  The girl understands supply and demand.

So Sunday I go to get her one and...what? Why aren't they frozen? Hummm, that's interesting.  So I was hoping that maybe the freezer had been left open accidentally - not enough for me to notice but enough for the popsicles to melt.

Yeah, it was a stretch.

The next morning I check and nope, still not frozen. This is not good. Since the sole purpose of a freezer is to freeze this could only mean one thing - the fridge has officially died.

We are fortunate - we have an extra fridge outside on our back porch. It isn't as redneck as it sounds.  We have it because we're too lazy to go inside to get something to drink when we're outside. Technically, anytime you have an appliance on a porch that qualifies as redneck, but I'm justifying this based on sheer convenience.

And thank goodness for our trailer park ways, we were able to save a lot. It's just crazy to me that it went out so quickly - it was fine one day and completely out the next. And it was only 8 years old. Which I know is old, but shouldn't they last longer than that?  The one outside (OUTSIDE!) still works.  And it's really old.  

And I must be the most unwife wife in the world because I have absolutely no preferences on appliances. My only requirement is that everything has to be the same color. Benny picked the first fridge and picked our replacement too. Not that he didn't ask and keep asking me what I thought ...but seriously, I don't care how many shelves it has or how the drawers work. If it keeps the food cold then I'm good.

So we'll have the memorial services on Sunday - pallbearers courtesy of Lowes. Or Home Depot.  I can't remember.  We'll say goodbye and send her off and get another 8 years before we have to do it all over again...

Lazy

So I've been bad about working out. Two weeks ago I was kinda spotty and then last week I didn't work out at all. Not once. I don't know what was wrong with me...it seems like I cylce in and out with my  motivation...some days I'm hardcore committed and then bam - I can't force myself to get up and do it.

I did work out this morning. I got my lazy behind up and dressed and had the dvd started at 5:08.  And I increased my weights just because I felt like I had been a sloth and I wanted to get back into and not mess around. My triceps are a teeny tiny bit sore but other than that I'm good...which just tells me that I should have increased my weight before now. 

So once again here I go, back on track. For about the 100th time...but I guess it's better than never getting back on track at all. And really, that's kind of representative of my life - I stumble, fall, get a little banged up but just pick myself up and keep on trekking...I know I'll fall again but what else can I do?

Are You Ready For Some Football?

What a day! It has flown by - busy, busy, busy! But I love it - it's the kind of pace I enjoy!  My desk is a wreck and I have notes everywhere but I'll take it!


Had a busy and good weekend. We celebrated M's birthday with a party at a gymnastics center and spent Sunday with my Mom.  Benny was out of town so I was looking for something to do and we had a little shopping that needed to be done.  My mom is having a picture done with all the grandkids and she wants them all to wear Thunder apparel...and we have none. Actually, we have one little night shirt that M2 wears but it's faded and not in good shape so off for new clothes we went....we had no luck.  Not that we tried that hard - we hit three stores and then the kids were done.


The original suggestion was to do our football teams - OU and OSU but only two of the grandkids are OSU fans so that was vetoed pretty quickly. Although, I think we should have gone with it....what's wrong with drowning in crimson and cream?


Speaking of - I am SO ready for football!  I cannot wait until the season starts!  I am getting so excited!  Let's go Sooners! I love everything about it - the weather, the smack talking, the intensity of the game....I. CANNOT. WAIT.  I'm hoping we have a great season and really hoping we get to go to a few more games this year...maybe even Red River again?  We shall see...

Surprises

God is SO good! Thank you Lord for your grace and mercy!

Today was nothing like I expected. I had played out every possible scenario and was ready for everything.  I just hate being unprepared for situations and I had no idea what today's encounter was going to be like so that was a bit of a struggle. But I woke up today and felt like whatever happened, happened. And life goes on. There really isn't anything outside of death that I can't recover from, right? And not that this situation was anything near that dramatic but I just needed to put it in perspective. So yeah, it might suck but then it's over and what? In a month I wouldn't even be thinking about it.

And that is the absolute beauty of life - each day we get to wake up and start new. Not that we can ever erase our history but it's just that - in the past and over. And we don't have to relive it or be tied to it if we don't want to be. 

And then it turned out that it was just an easy encounter without confrontation, without drama.  Which is SO good because I really didn't went to have to get ghetto....

I Might Be Pregnant

Okay, actually there is no way in hell that I am pregnant but I have had some random, crazy cravings tonight. As I was cooking dinner (Chinese beef and broccoli) I opened the fridge and saw a jar of sweet midget pickles (insert short joke here) and they looked SO good and I wanted one SO bad. But since I was making dinner I resisted. But then about 10 minutes later I had an overwhelming desire for cereal. I mean really, I had to have it and I had to have it right then. That I could not resist. I got one of M2's baby bowls and had some and the  milk was soooooo good. And I don't even like milk. But I could have drank half a gallon if I would have let myself.  And then after dinner I had some pickles. See, doesn't that scream pregnant? But I'm not. And yes, I'm sure.

I have spent all night cleaning the house. I'm in super clean mode - scrubbing the oven with a toothbrush mode. I do that when I'm pissed or stressed or upset. And sometimes just for the heck of it. But usually when I am upset.  And tonight I am upset. Well, not really upset...but my heart is heavy. It's not anything I can share - it involves a student and a disciplinary matter. It's big and will impact the student in a significant way. I've really struggled with it.  I know what occurred was unacceptable and needed to be addressed - to me it's something that can't be tolerated. But there is also a tremendous amount of pressure from being responsible for impacting someone's life in such a way. I don't have a lot of tolerance for unethical behavior - if it's wrong, it's wrong and needs to be addressed and dealt with. And I realize I need to operate that way in order to effectively run this program. But it's never fun and it's never easy.

In addition to feeling bad about what will happen to this student I am also  feeling a lot of anxiety because I'm expecting some confrontation tomorrow. I hate confrontation. I guess everyone does. Not too many people wake up thinking "Gonna have a great confrontation today!"  I can do serious, I can do uncomfortable but trying to deal with someone who is irrational and hyped up on emotion is something else. And it may not even be an issue, I'm hoping it won't  be but I feel like I have to get prepared just in case.

The positive is that my house is clean. So that's a plus. This is especially nice since Morgan's party is this weekend. We're not having it here, no one is going to see the house at all but since we'll be busy it's nice to have it done already. Especially since the week has been a little crazy and I've been slacking big time. We were gone all day yesterday on our birthday date. We took M to see Cars 2 in 3D. The movie was pretty cute. I've never seen Cars so I wasn't sure if I would like it or not.  The 3D was eh. I don't think it was worth the extra money - there just didn't seem to be that many effects. The 3D previews were awesome. They are releasing Lion King in 3D and that looked amazing...I guess I was just expecting the same effects. And M didn't want to keep her glasses on. She said they made everything blurry. That probably would have concerned me except I took them and put them on and they were blurry. Blurry from popcorn butter fingerprints.  She must have touched every inch of those glasses. We had a super good time. But she wanted to pick M2 up from school - she really, really missed her. She's such a great big sister. When we got in the car the other day M told her "I love you so much M2. I love you so much I can't stop thinking about you." She's not dramatic or anything...  So we picked up sister and went swimming. We hadn't been swimming since July 4th. It's interesting - when you can swim any time you want, you don't swim as often as you would think. It was fun for the kids though. Not so much for me. Benny had to run an errand so I was solo. It's a lot to handle when you're in a pool and outnumbered.

Tonight M got in trouble and when we were discussing it I was outlining my expectations and I said "M, you are five years old blah,blah,blah..." and she got this look on her face, kinda smiled and said "I'm five years old? I'm five?"  So after our conversation I said "M, your birthday was yesterday. Remember?" and she said "Yeah, I know it was my birthday but I didn't know I was five!" and she was so super excited. And then she looked at me kinda confused and said "Why was there not cake at my birthday yesterday?" Oh baby, if it was up to your Mommy there would be cake everyday!












Favorite thing to do is play with my phone and take pictures. That gets interesting sometimes.

Her favorite shoes. She wore them all day.

Obsessed with shoes. Wonder where she gets that?

It's a Girl!

Five years ago today I was packing my bags and preparing for a trip to the hospital for the arrival of my sweet baby girl. Actually, at this exact moment I was in the bathroom taking care of my bikini line...I didn't care that I was 9 months pregnant and bigger than a house - I was going to be exposed to a bunch of strangers and it had to be done.  That was an interesting grooming experience which involved some tears, a spatula, and a lot of humiliation. But I digress...

So I went to bed and the next day my life was changed forever. We left our house a little before 4:00 a.m. to head to the hospital. We stopped at 7-11 so Benny could get coffee and I grabbed a Dr. Pepper. Yes, I know that was horrible but I did.  I remember thinking that this was the last time I would ever go anywhere in my life as a woman without a child. It was such a profound realization.  And then I thought it was funny that I had that kind of moment in a 7-11.

We got to the hospital, they got me hooked up and we waited. And waited. And it just wasn't happening.  M was starting to get distressed so the doctor came in and told me that I could keep trying but she believed ultimately I would have to have a c-section. So we changed our plans and I was rolled back into the operating room.

At 2:36 p.m. she came into the world with a loud, fierce, furious little cry. The sweetest sound I have ever heard and she's had my heart ever since.

Happy birthday MJ!  Thank you for filling my heart and renewing my spirit, thank you for asking me why and making me think, thank you for teaching me patience and showing me love, thank you for extra hard hugs and big wet kisses and for every time you have ever whispered in my ear that you love me.

I'm so blessed to be your Mommy!  I love you from here to the moon!

Hanging Tough

I feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment.  There is just so much to do; I don’t even know where to begin. And what do I do when I feel like I’m drowning?  Ignore everything and blog!  Because if I just pretend hard enough then it will all go away…

I’m allowing myself 10 minutes to just process and then I’m jumping right back into, I promise. And really, thinking about it I realize the only reason I feel this way is because I don’t have a list. I’m not sure why I don’t have a list today. This is usually the very first thing I do - open my drawer and pull out a Post- it (neon colors are my favorite) and start listing away. By the afternoon I usually have several stuck in various places on my desk or my computer monitor. And I copy them over too because I like starting with a clean list.  So, 10 minutes to process and then I’m making a list and then I’m jumping right back into it.

I had a wonderfully fantastic weekend.  Saturday was pretty low-key. I ran a couple of errands with the girls. We weren’t out too long though because it was so hot and I felt bad about dragging the baby in and out and putting her back into a hot car.   It was miserable!  I felt like being out and just doing something though; we needed a change of environment.  So we hooked up with my Mom and sisters and spend the rest of the day hanging out with them.  That’s always fun.

Sunday I headed off for some girl time! Met up with some friends to see the NKOTB and Backstreet Boys concert.  It was so much fun!  NKOTB was actually my very first concert – almost 20 years ago. Geez, that makes me feel old!  It was just as good this time around. They really do put on a good show – high energy and very entertaining.  And of course, it doesn’t hurt that they are all attractive.  But I will admit that I had to laugh at some of their costumes. I know they have people that handle that but….ohhhhh, it was so not doing it for me.  First of all, I don’t think men should wear hooker boots. You know what I’m talking about – the tight, knee high boots that should belong specifically to the female gender. Unless you’re a jockey, and then it’s okay.  I also am just not a big fan of men wearing sparkly shirts. Or sparkly anything really. Even as a grown woman I feel like I have to be careful about the amount of bedazzled attire I can get away with…anyone over the age of 15 should be careful about that. In their last set they even wore sparkly basketball jerseys!  Oh my goodness, I was cracking up.  Of course, that’s just me. I’ve always been attracted to manly men.  I like rough and tough, which is probably why I’ve always liked country boys.  And it just doesn’t scream tough to be wearing a glittery belt…

But I think I was in the minority because there were women going crazy. It was so much fun to watch – the concert, the fans…it was all one big show for me.  And really, most the women were pretty tame. There were a few who were flinging around underwear…which was interesting since it was apparent that the underwear they had in their hands could not fit onto their bodies.  And doesn’t that kinda defeat the purpose of flinging underwear in the first place?  I thought the whole point of something like that being sexy was the thought that you slipped off your panties and were handing them over – that they were fresh off your body.  It seems like something is lost when they come straight out of the WalMart bag…

I did have a super great time. And we had awesome, awesome seats – second row!  Afterwards we grabbed some food and headed back to our room. I stayed up all night talking with Brina – such a great conversation.   I love connecting and sharing with people I care about.  I think the world of her so it was nice to have that time together.  I’m not so sure Stephanie and Autumn appreciated that we kept them up though. I am so damn loud. I tried to remember to be quiet but that’s a special challenge for me, especially if I’m laughing. And Brina made me laugh a lot.



My pictures of the concert were all crappy because I just took my phone so I won't post those. They really aren't worth lookig at...but here are a few recaps from the weekend….good times!

On the road for some girl time!





The girls - Autumn, Stephanie, Brina and me

Not sure what I was doing with my arm...

Beautiful ladies!

I stole this pic from Brina. This girl rocks!



Notice the crazed fan in the background and her oh-so-happy male companion lol

Expensive Egg

Just got back from washing my car. $10 and a lot of scrubbing later and the egg has been removed. Yep, I got egged last night. One egg, down the back of my Expedition. Man, if I was a carwash owner I think I would pay off teenagers to go around town egging people - that stuff is HARD to get off!  I didn't even wash my entire car, just the egg spot and I had to keep feeding the machine. Of course, the fact that it had been baking all day didn't help.

And I have the weirdest sixth sense. I promise, it's the most bizarre thing. I went to bed a little after midnight last night - and as I was walking into the bedroom I just had this vision of some teenagers around my car and a sense they were messing with it.   Instead of climbing into bed I walked to the window and looked out the blinds to check on my car. There was no one there and then I just kinda brushed it off, had a fleeting thought that I should probably start parking in the driveway again, and went to bed.  And this morning I didn't even think about it. As I was driving to work I noticed something on the bottom of my back window but it was such a crazy morning and I was in a rush to get in the office.  So when I got to work I forgot about it and never even looked. I noticed it as I was leaving the office.  As soon as I saw my car across the parking lot I knew it was egg and I remembered last night. ..it was just weird because I had a thought that something was going to happen!

Like I said, I know it sounds crazy. It even sounds crazy to me. Really. But we don't live in an unsafe area. Nothing has ever happened. And there aren't a lot of teenagers around. Not like they run the neighborhood and mess with stuff.  So this isn't anything I've thought about before - it was completely random. And accurate. That happens to me a lot. 

I don't know what that is but I need to figure it out and then try to use it to win the lottery....

My Hearts On Fire...

Guess who woke up at 6:20? This wouldn’t be so bad except we leave the house at 6:45. I scrambled around and got Benny and the kids sent off and then threw myself together.  I was running behind but I still managed to make it to work before 8.  That’s the benefit of getting to work way early; you can be late and still be on time. 

I was in such a hurry I had no time to find something to wear – I grabbed a little  sundress and threw a sweater over it…not real happy with that decision. I feel way casual.  And I’m wearing flipflops. They’re dressy flipflops, not the plastic ones, but still I feel weird wearing flipflops.

I’m almost done with M’s poem. I have never waited this long to have it done. I usually have everything in place by June, so it’s throwing me off. Honestly though, since I started my new job everything has been behind– I’m still trying to catch up.  But I’m going to finish it today and send it out. Thankful that I was able to devote some time to it last night and really give it the attention it deserves.

We went shopping last night too. Just me and M – that was our first shopping trip together. Grocery stores and WalMart don’t count as shopping to me – that’s just running errands. We had fun and she did pretty well. I got some interesting commentary while I was trying stuff on, I’m sure all the other shoppers enjoyed that.  She was especially loud about telling me which shirts showed my “brawl”.  By the time we hit the second store she was close to being done…but that fitting room had a huge bench in it, so she climbed up on “stage” and entertained everyone with her rendition of Justin Bieber’s song Baby.  Which is really funny because the only thing she sings is “Baaaaby, baaaaby  ohhhhh”. Over and over.  And I literally mean that is the only thing she sings, ever. She’s forgotten that any other song exists. Part of that is her absolute devotion to Justin Bieber and the undying belief that they will get married.

And I totally get that...I must have sang "giddy up oom poppa omm poppa mow mow" over a million times. Of course, I didn't want to marry any of the Oak Ridge Boys. Nope, I was saving my heart for a couple of the guys on my Dad's softball team.

Growth Is Good (unless it's growth of the gut)

Things are rockin and rollin and I am SO pumped! I got some quality academic mentors hired and our tutoring/study  lab is full of activity. I just walked by and they were all just working away.   I LOVE it!  I get excited by the littlest things….but really, it is so rewarding to actually see things coming together and to think that our program is making a difference. 

I am hungry!  This is week 2 (minus the weekend) of Slimfast and after the first couple of days I adjusted to not eating during the day. But today I am starving!  Right now what I want more than anything in the world are french fries. And a big, fat, juicy hamburger.  Ugh, when I go bad, I go REALLY bad.  But I will remain strong and resist…

I don’t think I have lost one pound. In fact, the other day I looked down and my tummy actually looked a tiny bit bigger. What is that?

Half Day

It was back to the Slimfast this week. I didn't do it over the weekend because I really didn't want the girls to see me skipping meals. I know technically it's not skipping, it's a liquid meal, but I still don't think that's a habit or lifestyle I want to introduce them to. There is enough pressure and stereotypes placed on young girls - I don't want to add to that. I try to be really careful about the messages I send.  I don't want them to grow believing their value is in the way they look. I also don't want them to believe that perfection is the standard - that perfection is the only standard worthy of value or love.  If women want their daughters to grow up loving themselves, then they need to teach their daughters how to do that.  Little girls love their Mommies.   They believe their Mommy is the prettiest, most beautiful Mommy in the world. So when they hear their Mommy talk about how ugly or fat she is then she is taught a different standard of beautiful.  So when a little girl points out to her Mommy that her tummy is not flat, she isn't doing it as a criticism - it's an innocent observation she has made about the most beautiful woman she knows.


I have to be careful because I have a self deprecating sense of humor so sometimes I want to say things to be funny and I have to catch myself...of course, I'm self deprecating about everything, not just my body.  And sometimes people don't get that sense of humor. There have been comments from some that don't understand and I guess I can see that they may take it like low self-esteem or whatever...but it's actually just the opposite. I'm comfortable enough with myself to poke fun at myself...in fact, there is no one I enjoy making fun of more. Plus, I know it's safe because very rarely do I get offended by myself. 

Sooo, no Slimfast over the weekend. And I missed my workout on Monday. That was really just a blessing with the whole water issue. Really, I wouldn't have been able to go to work like that - there is just no way. And I really, really needed to be at work.  So, thank goodness for that missed workout.  I did workout this morning, but only half because I snoozed and was running late so I didn't have time to get it all in. We have a really tight morning schedule so there was no wiggle room...

I had every intention of working out tonight but here I am...after dinner, clean up and getting kids to bed, I'm just done.  I'm thinking of my dear friend Brina and her level of dedication and commitment...and I'm thinking I should shut this down and pick up some weights...Must. Do. It.

Gross, Gross, Gross

I feel so nasty.  I went to take a shower this morning and no water. Main water line break, the city guys were working on it. Good for them and everybody that could shower after it was fixed. Not so good for those of us that shower before the sun comes up.  I just feel so gross if I don't shower. I know lots of people don't shower every day but I have to or I don't feel clean.  And I had to run around and find some pants to wear since I couldn't shave...so I stink and my legs are prickly.

We drove to Eufaula yesterday. Just a turn-around trip, business not leisure. We've been having major issues with the dock we purchased. It's been really frustrating. It has been from the very beginning. Almost a year into the process - it took forever to actually get it set and then once they did there was some damage to the walkway, it had been bent when they were setting it. And the walkway was shorter than what we had wanted.  And then it floated off because the poles they used were too short. So now, it's been crashing against the bank, a crumpled mess. Docks are incredibly expensive, we shopped around and were able to buy a used one but still it was a 5 digit figure. For a USED dock!  And of course, the dock company has been paid in full so the owner doesn't return phone calls or texts. Why should he, he already has his money, right?  So we've given him chance after chance and now we're at the litigation point.  We tried everything to avoid it but that's what it's come to.  So we drove down to take pictures of what is suppose to be our dock. Because of the lack of walkway it is a really steep incline so Morgan and I sat way up on the bank. It was a good thing too; Benny lost his footing and fell. He survived with a few minor cuts - I think my camera took the brunt of the damage.  Thank goodness it will still take pictures but a piece broke off and apparently it's important for the zoom feature, because those pictures are messed up.

Whoever said nothing good happens after midnight is SO right!  I was up way past midnight last night and the only thing happening was laundry.  I used to have late nights that actually did involve good things - and detergent and dryer sheets were not part of those experiences.  Except for that one time...

Mad House

The good news about this morning is that I got to sleep in. M got in bed with me about 6:30 but I threatened to kick her out if she didn't lay down and stay still.  During the week it's a job to wake that kid up but on the weekends she's up and ready to go at the crack of dawn. Every single weekend. Even though every Friday night when I put her to bed I tell her tomorrow is a stay at home day and that means when she wakes up she needs to roll over, close her eyes and go back to sleep.  Apparently, the thinks the rolling over stuff needs to happen in my bed.  And she doesn't just slip in bed with me - no, she wakes me up to tell me she's getting in my bed.


I was feeling really restless last night and stayed up entirely too late so Mommy was not ready to get up.  So I barked out my threat and fell back asleep.  Then a little after 7 she woke me up to tell me M2 was crying.  So I got up. M2 was not crying. She was actually just chillin in her crib.  M, however, knows that will get me up and out of bed. But it was after 7 anyway so time to start the day.  I did get to sleep in later than usual but I am so looking forward to the day when I can break the 9:00 mark.


I attempted to make omelets for breakfast. I've never made them before. I'm not a very good cook, so that was strike one. And while I was cooking M2 kept trying to get under the big shirt I was wearing - like it was a tent or something.  And the more I pulled her out from under my shirt the funnier she thought it was. Distracted by small child, strike two. So we ended up with weird cheesy scrambled eggs instead. 


I manage to get us all at the table, ready to eat and M2 spills her juice. So I pull off the tablecloth, get it all cleaned up and everyone set up again.  Then M starts squirming around. Which only means one thing so I sent her to the bathroom. A few minutes later she shouts  "Mommy, come look at my poop!" Um, no thank you?


So M2 and I are eating and all the sudden I feel something ice cold in my lap. M2 had spilled her water and it had somehow managed to fly into my lap and down my leg. Really, there was barely any on the table -it just projectiled onto me. So I get myself all cleaned up and M2 another drink. 


And M is still in the bathroom.  By this time she is done with business, she's just in there playing around. So I go in to get her to wrap it up.  She trys to stall by convincing me that I need to wipe her. She's totally capable of doing it herself, she just doesn't want to. According to her philosophy, Mommies are meant for three things: cooking, kisses,and wiping behinds.  I'm good with the first two. She used half a roll of toilet paper, but she did it herself.


So finally, the messes are cleaned up, our bodily functions have been taken care of, and we are at the table to eat.  M starts eating her eggs and says "Mommy, something happened to make cheese in our eggs!" She was super impressed and said I was very smart for adding cheese.  I think I'm very smart for surviving that breakfast...

Sunk

So we were in the pool and I was laying down on a floaty and Morgan swims up to me and says "Mommy, your tummy looks really flat." I laughed because it was such a random thing for her to say, and I said "My tummy looks flat?" because I wasn't really sure that's what she said. And she responded with  "Yeah, but only because you're laying down, the other times it isn't. "


Oh my gosh, that kid cracks me up!  I love that kids just say whatever is on their mind. Except when she says whatever to or about  random strangers - then it's just embarrassing.


And just so it doesn't sound like I'm some super obsessed freak with body image issues (really, I'm not and don't) but the only reason Morgan knows anything about flat tummies is because she has seen me exercise and she likes to do (in 4 year old style) the ab exercises with me.  And when she asked why I do those I told her that's what you have to do to have a flat tummy....so no obsessed freak with body image issues here. Promise.

Rave & Rant

I love the chocolate Slimfast!  I’ve only had strawberry until today and it is great!  It tasted just like chocolate milk. Totally worth the 10 extra calories.

Is it possible that everyone belonging to a certain state is inept?  When you encounter the first person, you think it’s just that individual but when EVERYONE you work with from that state is worthless you begin to believe there might just be something in the water…seriously, how hard is it to do what you agreed to do?  How difficult is it to return a phone call?  How much effort does it take to respond to an email?   Even if you don’t have the requested information, at least acknowledge the request in some way.  That’s just being a professional!  I have lost count of the number of phone calls and emails I have sent…one question, people, one! That’s all I’m asking.  Take the whole 10 seconds out of your day and send me the answer so I can move forward and get the things done that I need to get done!  Incompetent people really frustrate me – either get it done or move out of the way!

And no, the state I was referring to was not Texas.  But just so you’re not disappointed:  BOOMER SOONER BABY!!!

Thank You Sir, May I Have Another?

Some evil soul brought me a bunch of chocolate kisses yesterday! Really? Chocolate? I love chocolate! But I didn't have any. Not even one. I stared at them all day and resisted. And every time I wanted one but didn't have one I cursed those stupid skinny jeans. And myself for not just giving up and admitting my body was just not made for clothes like that. But I am way too stubborn to give in or give up. No, I'd much rather starve than admit defeat...because that really sounds sane, right?  I am ridiculous! 

The evil temptation.  Ignore my half-dead plant. I'm good at a lot of things but taking care of plants is not one of them. This one is really trying to hang on, despite me...

Feed Me

I am starving. This slimfast stuff sucks.  It’s not that the shakes taste bad but if you’re a chronic snacker, like me, then it’s pretty miserable. I need food – something that I can bite into, something to chew.   Drinking lunch just doesn’t do it for me.  But I’m going to keep drinking them, don’t you worry about that.   I’ve got a stupid pair of skinny jeans that I’m trying to stuff my fat butt into and I’m too stubborn to just find something else to wear. Because that would be the option that actually makes sense.

Skinny jeans or not, I really need this slimfast after the way that I ate yesterday. I gorged all day long. Shocking, I know.  We spent all day in the pool but I still managed to consume the equivalent of my body weight in chips and other assorted junk.  I always seem to eat a lot when we have anyone over to swim. Kinda ironic since that usually means I spend all day in a swimsuit, which you would think be a motivator to avoid the junk.  But what kind of host would I be if I didn’t get the festivities started? Someone has to break into the queso, right?

Tight Fittin Jeans

I bought a pair of skinny jeans. I'm not sure about them. They are TIGHT. Really, really tight. Probably the tightest jeans I have ever owned...and I just don't know.  The tags are still on, just in case I decide I can't do it.  I put them on and think I'm okay but then I turn to the side and I'm like, ewww I don't know.  Benny told me they looked like something a prostitute would wear and since I gave up the street job and stopped hooking a few weeks ago, that doesn't help me.


I'm pretty sure they are called skinny jeans not because they narrow at the bottom but because you should be skinny to wear them. Skinny I am not. Do they make jeans for girls that are shaped like a square? Those are the jeans that I should be looking for...In the meantime, I'm going to see if I can convince myself not to care about the bulges and bumps.  For the sake of fashion I will pretend that I don't look like a stuffed sausage. That and I'm going to get some slim fast because losing a few pounds might help too...

Purpose

** This is a lengthy and serious ramble...if you're looking for something lighthearted, come back later. **

It's interesting to me how some things in life work. Sometimes it really does seem like there is a purpose and a reason for everything. There is a lot that I don't understand, but a lot of it makes sense...

I've been thinking a lot today about the way in which Morgan and McKenzie came into my life. When my Pawpaw was diagnosed with cancer it was already in the final stages, we knew we didn't have much time.  One of the things that I wanted the most was for him to be able to greet my children into this world. I wanted my children to have the opportunity to know this wonderful, loving, compassionate man.  It didn't happen.  We were actively trying, with no success. And the thing about trying to get pregnant is that when you are ready you want it to happen right away.  When it doesn't, it's disappointing.

We were three months away from infertility tests, dangerously close to the one year mark. I was sitting in the living room, charting my ovulation and cycle on the calendar when I had a fleeting thought - take the pregnancy test. I had a free one as a bonus with one of the ovulation kits I had bought.  Benny thought it was a waste, since I wasn't late yet and there was no indication that I was pregnant. When I woke up the next morning I took the test and I was pregnant. I was so shocked. After all those months of trying,  it had finally happened...

So we decided to wait and announce it after the first trimester, since it's "safer". That happened to fall at Christmas time.  So I came up with an elaborate plan for revealing the news. That was the first Christmas without my Pawpaw. It was such a somber and sad Christmas - everyone was hurting and missing him.  There was such a void.  And then, after everyone had opened presents I gave out the gifts I had made to reveal our news and it was like the whole environment of that Christmas changed. It was joyful.  It was like a gift we had all been granted to help fill the void - instead of mourning a life lost we could celebrate a life beginning.  And Morgan was born in July, the one year anniversary of his passing. Again, it was such a hard month with so much sadness and then... the arrival of this baby to bring joy and love into our hearts. What should have been the two hardest times for me were actually filled with happiness...and I just can't help but feel that God sent her at that time to ease our grief and sorrow.

Then in 2008 I was at a conference with students. The last day of the conference I felt off.   I had woken up really bloated and my abdomen was sore and crampy.   It got progressively worse so by the time I got home I knew something was wrong. I googled my symptoms and suspected that it was my appendix.  I drove myself to the emergency room and when they processed me the nurse asked if I could be pregnant. I told her that I guessed anything was possible, but that no, I was not pregnant.  They determined that I had a ruptured cyst on my ovary.  My big sister had come up the the ER to keep me company, and I thought I was just about to be released when the doctor pulled back the curtain, stepped in and said "You're pregnant."  I was so shocked that I actually asked him if he was sure.  I had run out of birth control pills and it had taken me 5 days to get a refill. A 5 day gap and I was pregnant. After all the trying for Morgan, how did that happen? 

The next day at work a dear friend of mine came into my office and told me she wasn't going to say anything but she couldn't wait - she was pregnant! I told I was pregnant too - our due dates were the same, late October.  We were so excited to be pregnant together.  The next week I was up late working on a conference booklet when I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding. I knew immediately what that meant.  I crawled into bed with Benny and whispered that I thought I was having a miscarriage.  A doctors visit confirmed, I was no longer pregnant. It was such a surreal feeling - to be pregnant one day and not the next.  I never imagined how much I could mourn for someone that I had never met.  And when my friend had her baby, I couldn't help but think that I would have been having a baby too.

We started trying again fairly soon afterwards. Months passed with no luck. After getting pregnant so easily the last time, it was discouraging.  And then, 10 months after trying I got pregnant. My due date?  Late October.  It was like the timing of her birth was meant to heal our loss. Not to replace but to repair... It's a different kind of grief when you mourn someone you have never met. There is a deep sense of sorrow for what could have been...it's difficult to explain...while the sorrow is not consuming,  it is significant. That first October could have been hard but instead was actually filled with joy and celebration.

So yeah, I get that it can sound a little crazy but I know the timing of their births were not accidental - there was a plan and a purpose to those two little lives.

And I feel so blessed and fortunate to have them...

Playing House

Well, it's official - we're on the books for a gymnastics party for M. Glad to have that taken care of...this kid birthday party stuff is series business.  Apparently people book months in advance. Who knew there were such organized parents?


I'm going to spend the main part of my day getting my house ready for our 4th of July celebration.  We become more popular in the summer because of the pool...but I love it. One of my favorite things to do is to host. I love a good party!  One of the best parties involved the game Pit and a grown man dressed as a sheep.  It was a Halloween party so it wasn't as weird as it sounds but it was definitely fun.  Good times...  If you've never played Pit, you must!  It is so super fun - it's fast and loud. So of course I like it.  It's based off the stock market, which sounds kinda boring but it's not. Of course, maybe it's the group that's playing that makes the difference...


I'm off to get stuff done.  I've got a list and a neurotic satisfaction from marking things off of it. First thing up, cleaning the refrigerator!  Such a glamorous life...