Randomness

I’ve been putting off blogging because I fully intended to sit down and spend some time catching you up and sharing about some of the events from the last few weeks. But now that I’m actually doing it, it all seems a little irrelevant. Kinda like telling a friend you have something really funny to tell them but having to wait so that by the time you can actually tell them, you realize it really isn’t that funny anymore. 

Instead I’ll do some picture highlights. I've been told that good bloggers have lots of pictures.  This is a problem for me because most my pictures have my kids in them and I have a husband that isn't crazy about me sharing any of that stuff on the web. So what you get is just a bunch of pictures of...me. Sorry, it's the best I've got.

And just to make it up to you, I'll throw in some random thoughts. And I do mean random…these are just some things floating around in my head.  

First up, the last few weeks in pictures:
Got a house ready for rental.  This is actually one of my favorite houses - it doesn't look that cute in the picture but it's just a sweet little place. And yes, that's our former tenants furniture and tv. And yes, the tv worked. Yeah, I don't know why they would leave it either.

 

  

Got to have my kid with me for a week. Enrolled her in a summer program at work and got to spend some time with her between her classes. She got to learn, spend some extra time with her Mommy and make super fun crafts.

 

Spent some time on the lake. These are different lake trips but I seem to be wearing the same swimsuit/coverup in all of them. So much for variety...

Had a birthday party. And an encounter with a baker.

Got my hair did by the best beauticians in the world.

 

Spent some fun time with some people I care about.

Had small people use me as a pillow while we laid in our hotel room watching tv.

Random commentary about nothing of importance:
Do you know who your kid is with?
We finally got another kid in the neighborhood. This is the only other kid in our area, so the girls were especially excited to have someone to play with. I’m really glad that they have a new friend and I’m excited that their new friend likes to come over every night and play. Not as thrilled with the realization that this means I can no longer take my bra off the minute I get home. Yep folks, looks like the days of spending my evenings half-dressed are officially over.

And I think it’s kinda odd that her parents let her come over so much. I don’t know, I’m sure I’m overprotective but they don’t really know anything about us…My husband introduced himself to her Dad but that was it.  The Mom was sitting on the porch when we got home the other day and I was going to go over and say hello but she went in the house when we pulled up. And I kinda think she went in because we pulled up.  I mean, we have kids of our own but that doesn’t mean we’re good people. We are, but they don’t know that. I don’t know, I’m just jaded when it comes to other people and my kids.

Short or tall, I liked them all.
Had a conversation with an acquaintance, who played college basketball, about his theory on the attraction between tall guys and short girls. I don’t think there necessarily is one – I think attraction just happens and height becomes irrelevant. At least it is for me – I never tried to date guys of a specific height. Although, I’m generally not enormously attracted to short men. Ironic, I know.

He cracked up when I told him I dated a college ball player.  He was really, really tall. But we didn’t date very long. He didn’t really seem that into me so I just let it fade. Then one day he called out of the blue and when I told him I was dating someone else, he acted hurt and even asked if the guy was more attractive than him.  It was so lame. 

Are you ready?
It’s almost back to school time! Hard to believe the summer is almost over – it went by way too quickly. I’m not sure I’m ready – at work or at home. But I am excited for fall – it’s my absolute favorite time of the year. I love the weather, the energy but most of all, college football! There are 31 days until kickoff and I’m gonna do my best to score some tickets! BOOMER!

You Should Know

The other day I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with an old friend. Of course, it wasn’t enough time but it was enough to make me miss him terribly. 

We became friends towards the end of our senior year of high school. Looking at us, you probably wouldn’t have matched us up. I was the shy nerdy girl that no one knew and he was the crazy stoner dude that knew everyone. But somehow our paths crossed and the summer after graduation we became very close.

He was my favorite running buddy – if I was going somewhere or doing something I invited him. He was always happy and loved life and that attitude seemed to make every experience better.

We would spend hours on the phone but would rarely talk – most that time was spent watching episodes of Cops and then making snide, judgey comments during the commercials.  Most people would find that boring but it was kinda our thing.  He got my sense of humor and liked to make me laugh.

And he always, always looked out for me.  That summer during a small party, someone slipped something in my Dr. Pepper.  When the drugs hit my system I knew something was wrong but had no clue what was going on. Never in a million years would I have imagined something like that happening to me.  I ran to him and told him to get me help because I had been poisoned by the “bad” fish I had eaten for lunch.  He pieced together what had happened, called my Mom to come over and then spent the rest of the night talking me through the terrifying moments and making sure I was okay.

Then, I did something very hurtful. Like most hurtful things, that wasn’t my intention. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. I was self-centered and selfish and focused on my own desires.  I don’t think I ever even really thought how my actions might impact him or make him feel.

Now that I’m older and maybe a little bit wiser, I think that was probably what hurt him the most – my utter and complete disregard for his feelings and for him – as my best friend and someone who cared for me. I ignored my responsibility to consider his feelings and treated him carelessly.

Our friendship was never the same. But I was all wrapped up in a new guy and school and life and so the friendship seemed to fade naturally. I missed him and thought of him but never gave consideration to what had really happened.

Until several years later. Then I got it. I understood with clarity what I had done and how horrible it had been. By then, we rarely talked.  I wanted to say something, to offer an apology but I convinced myself it was irrelevant – we had moved on, we each had our own separate lives and it seemed awkward to bring it back up.

But after seeing him the other day I am certain of one thing: it is never too late or too awkward to apologize.

So here it goes:

BFB, you need to know I am sorry. I’m sorry that I was insensitive and hurtful. I’m sorry I disregarded your feelings and was careless with your heart.  I’m sorry I was a bad friend.  I’m sorry for all it.  And I’m especially sorry it’s taken me this long to tell you how sorry I am.

Fight or Flight

I’m the first to get up every morning.  The husband used to come down while I was still in the shower and start his bathroom routine. A routine that begins with a lengthy stay on the toilet.  I have to tell you, that was a horrible way to start my day – horrible! Nobody deserves to be subjected to the smells I had to endure. Nobody.  I feel like I should get some kind of award for remaining conscious. And not throwing up. Very often.

Now he says in bed and I wake him up when I’m done.  I don’t know if this was a deliberate decision on his part – I didn’t complain but I’m sure my feelings were clear by my constant shouts of “SPRAY!” – or if it’s just general sleepiness on his part. Either way, this has improved my life exponentially. 

So I wake up, leave my sleeping husband and stumble across our bedroom and make my way downstairs.  As I round the corner to go down the hall to the bathroom a man suddenly steps out of the darkness and says something.  I’ve never encountered a home invader before but I’ve watched enough Criminal Minds to know that it could happen.

I’ve always pictured myself as a fighter. Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand that I’m at a physical disadvantage but in my mind, I was going to fight as hard as I could for as long as I could. And somehow that translated into me having the advantage. So I’ve always been confident that if something happened, I could instinctively take the other person down.

But I’m so struck with terror that attacking this guy doesn’t even register with me. Instead, my hands fly up to protect my face and I jump about three feet. But not three feet up. I’m pretty sure my feet didn’t make it more than two inches off the ground. No, I jumped backwards. And I screamed. But I didn’t scream for help or shout out my husband’s name – nope. I screamed, in my most frightened voice, “What?”

And as soon as I get that out of my mouth I hear laughing. And my husband’s voice asking “Why would you yell ‘What’? You think somebody’s in the house and you yell ‘What’?”

I responded by smacking him really hard.

So now we know when the adrenaline rushes though I’ll be in total flight mode. No ninja moves for this chick. Now I need to work to make sure my flight is a little more than a baby jump backwards because if I really was being attacked, that totally wouldn't have saved me...

MIA

Heeeeelllllloooooo?

Anybody out there?

If you can hear me, I just want you to know I haven’t forgotten about you! I’ve been a horrible blogger lately.  I know, I know – the total of two people who ever read this thing are so severely disappointed. And in case you’ve never met me – that’s dripping in sarcasm.

But I’ve been super busy. This gives me a lot to blog about, but not enough time to actually blog. Such a cruel paradox…

I will get you caught up, I promise.

For now I will leave you with something humorous.

I DO have a neck - I was just suffering from awkward fitting lifevest syndrome.

Okay, the picture itself isn’t actually funny.  Unless you find me and a girlfriend on a tube hilarious – and in that case I would suggest you reevaluate your sense of humor.

The funny part of this picture is what happened after it was taken.  I was messing around and decided to spice up the tube riding by putting up my hands and not taking them down, no matter what…which lasted for mayyybbee 5 minutes.  Because the instant my husband figured out what I was doing he ramped it up and hit every wave possible.

So immediately after that picture was snapped we hit a bump, my feet went up over my head, I went airborne and flew out of the tube backwards.  I’ve been dumped out of a tube before, but never with the aerobics that occurred that day. It would have made the USA gymnastics team proud…

Unbelievable

I don’t normally use my blog as a forum to rant…well, okay…maybe sometimes I do. But I try not to, does that count for something?  Anything? 

Because really, more than anything, I just want to share the incredibly silly, sometimes funny and often mundane things I experience in life. But today, I just want to bitch. I want to rant and rave and gripe and complain. That’s what I want. 

It’s about work stuff.  I’m not brave enough or stupid enough to say everything that I want to say but I will give you a broad overview so you can understand and sympathize on a level I find satisfactory. Because isn’t the real goal of all bitching to have other people confirm that the other team sucks?

So I’ve had a goal of getting something done for our program that is completely unnecessary and isn’t required but something I think is important, something I think will make our program better and stronger. This has always been a goal of mine, since day one. The first year we were just trying to get things going so I didn’t pursue it.

The second year I did some research and found out another department on campus was already doing this. I set a meeting to discuss the possibility of a collaboration. That meeting didn’t go well. There was just no interest from the other party.  Then we had some staffing changes that prevented us from exploring it immediately and other projects took priority.

So here I am, in year three, no closer to reaching that goal then I was in year one. This infuriates me.  It just annoys me that I haven’t done anything to make any progress. It’s just been a lot of talk. Kinda of like my plans to exercise and get in shape. 

So several months ago an opportunity opened up to collaborate with the office I visited a year ago. They’ve had a staffing change and were willing to work together.  So we have a meeting and decisions were made, deadlines were set.

I had all my materials together and submitted by the deadline. But heard nothing from anyone else. Didn’t even get an acknowledgement of the things I had sent.  Nothing. A few weeks pass and I follow-up only to learn that a date had been set for something and I had been left out of the loop. So I’m annoyed that I wasn’t kept informed and even more annoyed because the date conflicts with something I was planning. Of course, if I had been consulted, that wouldn’t have been an issue.

So, okay, I’m a team player. I’m going to ignore all that, change the thing on my calendar and move forward. So we have a meeting today and as soon as the meeting starts it’s just kinda slipped in that the group moved forward and submitted paperwork for their department but not mine but we can still be included in some things and get included in the paperwork next year. It’s just inserted in the middle of a monologue, like it’s no big deal.

So I’m all whoa, whoa, whoa – let me understand this: you agreed to collaborate, asked me to waste my time putting together materials you didn’t use, and then didn’t even have the professional courtesy to inform me that your plans had changed?

WHO DOES THAT?

It was just a little awkward as I expressed my dissatisfaction…although I was contained enough in the meeting to be considered professional. I think.

I’m not sure because I was pissed inside. Really pissed. I just expect more of people in a professional environment. Like really people, could you just have told me?  I’m okay if we don’t collaborate – I just thought it would be mutually beneficial but don’t cut my throat and act surprised when I’m not happy about it.

Peaks & Valleys

I am having such a Monday!

I hate when I make myself look stupid. Surprisingly though, I do it often. Really, sometimes I wonder why I can’t get my head out. 

And it isn’t big things – budget analysis, strategic planning, presentations, manuals, reports – I’m your girl! You can count on me to get it right and meet deadline. Just tell me what you need and I deliver, each and every time.

No, it’s the little tiny things that make people wonder about me.   Like the exchange I had after a discussion on a travel request when I heard “What’s it for?” only to discover the real question was “How was your fourth?”  See, see how that might be just a little awkward?

And people wonder why I claim to be socially inept.  Well, because about 75% of the time I am, I really truly am.  So I won’t be winning any awards for my charming personality – I’ll just retain my title of ‘Efficient and Smart, Until You Talk To Her & Then You Just Don't Know’ because hey, I’ve kinda earned it.

And what is up with the temperature in my office today? Every day, every single day it is cold in my office. I keep my heater out all year round – I don’t always use it but I use it too often to bother with putting it away. And maybe that speaks more to my laziness than it does to the climate control challenges here on campus…either way; it’s hot in here today. Way too hot. So hot that I’m sweating just sitting. Like a constant sweat. But not enough that I actually look sweaty – nope, I just look shiny.  On pretty girls this is considered “glistening” but on girls like me, well, it’s just considered oily.

There is one saving grace to this day, however vain it may be, and that is my rack looks amazing. Not sure why but the girls seem to be bigger and perkier than normal. In fact, I looked down and almost did a double take – whoooaa, where did these come from?  I don’t know if it’s the new shirt I’m wearing (which I will most definitely be wearing again) or if I’m just so hot that they’ve begun to swell…either way, I’ll take it this little piece of happiness and enjoy it.

My Vagina Is On Fire

Sorry, guess I should give a little warning before I bust out with something like that…so consider yourself warned – this post isn’t for the light-hearted. Or for anyone offended by vagina.

So yeah, my vagina is on fire. Umm, no - it isn’t that kind of burning.  My actual lady parts are just fine. It’s just everything around it that’s an issue.  See, I have the misfortune of being the hairiest woman alive. Seriously, I have more body hair then most guys. I know, real attractive, right?

Since I prefer to not look like sasquatch, I try to take care of that stuff.  I’m a big believer in depilatory cream. It’s easy, inexpensive but most of all – it tames that beastly hair.  So that’s about all I’ve ever done. I’ve never tried waxing – it just sounds painful.  I know it’s really supposed to work but I can’t get past the idea that scorching hot wax and my vagina are two things that should never meet.

Plus, I feel like I have a lot of freedom with the cream. I can take my time and make sure it looks exactly the way I want it too. And I can get creative when the mood strikes. Yes, I admit I’ve been known to sport different designs. But that’s more for fun than anything else because who doesn’t love finding a surprise heart on Valentine’s Day?

So I do the magic cream and shave in between to keep the bikini line clean. And that’s always worked pretty well for me. Until the other day, when I decided that it would just be quicker to shave. Not a maintenance shave, but a full shave. We were getting ready to swim, I was already in the shower and thought it would save some time to do it right then.  And it did save time.

But oh my god, I will never do that again. Totally, totally not worth it. My whole private region itches like you wouldn’t believe and there is no way to relieve that itch without looking like I should be charged with lewd and lascivious acts.  Yeah, the deodorant trick didn’t work this time.

In case you don’t know, you can use deodorant after a shave to keep it from getting irritated. You will want to be careful, though, about the scent of deodorant you use. I would avoid anything musky or sports scented. It doesn’t make a difference in how it works but it will keep you from having to explain why you smell like a dude down there.

So the important lesson here kids, is that you should just stick to the things that work because if you try to take a shortcut, you might just get burned…