A Double

Today was the second day that I overslept. Well, actually, this morning it was not really oversleeping -it was me deciding that my head hurt too bad to workout. I had a horrible headache, which is weird because I never get headaches.  It was killer.


Anyway, good news is that even though I missed my morning workouts I got both workouts in at night. That was a small miracle and not an easy feat. But I managed to stay on track so I'm super pumped about that.


I know I need to step it up - I'm not doing nearly enough. But man, I feel like I can barely do what I'm doing now...I don't know how I could mange to extend my workout time.  I don't know, maybe start going to the gym on campus?  It's a thought...I don't usually go out for lunch, unless I get a lunch date.  So I usually eat at my desk and work. Or blog. But I could go to the gym instead and it would be a good break and would force me to get away...hummmm. I really think I might do that.  I'm suppose to have a lunch date tomorrow but maybe I'll try it next week and just see...it definitely couldn't hurt!


I'm off to bed early tonight. I cannot miss another morning workout. I've managed to squeeze in two evening workouts but I'm not pushing my luck...

I Want You

to want me.  I need you to need me.  I'd love you to love me.  I'm beggin you to beg me.


And I'm beggin for a different song since that's stuck in my head. Not that I don't love it - it's a sort of theme song for my life...


I overslept today. Woke up at 5:45 - right when I am usually finishing up my workout. Grrrrr. It wouldn't have been a big deal except I took yesterday as my day off. So I've got to fit it in tonight. That should be extra interesting since Morgan has a dance class tonight. But I am determined, I'm not messing around. I am going to do this.  Even if my body doesn't change, even if I don't lose a pound - I need to do it just to be healthy.


Plus it makes me feel strong and sexy - like I can kick ass. And that's always a good feeling...

I've Lost My Mind

Literally. I have. I don't know how but it has happened. 


Driving home today I look down at the speedometer and I wonder why we are going so slow. Then I start to get aggravated.  Okay people, we're in the fast lane, let's go fast!  Really? This is ridiculous! And then, out of nowhere it dawns on me. I'm not in the fast lane. I'm in the far right lane. The slow lane. And I have been the whole time.  How? How does that happen? Definitely a wow moment.


I'm chalking it up to distractions/stress and not the fact that I'm just turning into a ditz. Ugh, please, don't let that happen.  In my defense, I do have a lot on my mind. A lot. I'm dealing with budget stuff and quite honestly it's got me freaked out.  I don't know why...I guess just the magnitude of the responsibility. And I'm still finding my balance. In the beginning I was overly cautious and didn't want to spend anything, I was so worried about making the money last.  Now, I'm worried that I've been too frugal.  


And that is SO annoying. I hate second guessing myself. I'm used to being confident in my decisions so I don't know what this is all about. One day I feel like I got this and the next I'm all what the hell am I doing?


But I've always been an extremist - I'm all the way in or all the way out. If I'm into it, I'm really into it.  And I think that the eat it up, all consuming, hungry enthusiasm can be good sometimes.   It can also be challenging, and challenging for those around me. I'm like a tidal wave - I can swallow people whole.  It's not a ride that everyone enjoys...


I'm off to catch up on emails and address a few other work things....so maybe tomorrow I'll know which lane I'm driving in.

Missing someone

Ever notice how you miss someone even more after you talk a bit? I heard from a dear friend the other day and it really made me miss him. He called to say hello and we ended up talking for an hour. It started out as catching up and then we got into serious territory. It made me miss his friendship. He's a friend who will tell it like he sees it, someone who is always honest with me. I value that so much - you can't have a real relationship if you can't talk openly, even if it is painful and awkward at times. So I miss him, I miss our conversations, I miss that fact that he genuinely cares enough about me to be...real.  And I miss his famous smoked ribs too.


It's official - we are moved! And I am worn out. I had two good workouts this weekend, another this morning and then spent the day moving, pushing, and pulling furniture. Bonus workout for me!  Really, I should have gotten the guys from Physical Plant to move us but I wanted to get it done - it doesn't make sense to wait around for someone to do what I can do myself.  That's a silly mentality to me - I like to at least try and do things for myself. 


And I usually can and do - except when it comes to spiders, those I do not do.

Don't Look Ethel!

I got my first and probably last full body massage today.


It was part of a fun girls day - we had lunch and then off to get relaxed. Sounded perfect!  Except when they called my name to go back, I walk up and there waiting for me is a guy. I don't know why the thought never crossed my mind that I might have a male masseuse, but it didn't. Now, I'm not what I would consider to be a prude person but all I can think is Oh my God. He's going to be rubbing me.


So I undress as quickly as I can and jump under the sheets.  Like getting in fast is going to make me feel better about being in my underwear around a perfect stranger...He comes in and walks to the side and then stops short and tells me that I need to remove my bra. Oh.My.God. What?! Yes, it needs to be removed so he can rub my back properly. So I remove the bra, but I don't want to get up because I'm naked and I am scared to death he's going to come in and see me. So I decide it will be safer to stay under the sheet and toss it on top of my clothes. And I think about Milgram's study on obedience and wonder why I didn't just tell him I was keeping it on.


So I'm on the bed with nothing on except panties, covered by the thinnest sheet in the world. More like gauze, really. And I am mortified.  He comes in, starts rubbing my face and I start thinking about that bra that's just laying out in plain view. Why didn't I just get up and tuck it under my shirt?


And he tells me that he's going to have to call me something besides Amber because that is his ex girlfriend's name and it makes his heart hurt when he hears it because she was the love of his life. That makes me feel right at ease. Then he asked if I was married.  Perfectly legitimate question - pretty standard small talk. Except I'm NAKED! And I don't know... if I'm not wearing any clothes and your hands are on my body when you ask me that it kinda changes the question.


So he's rubbing, rubbing, rubbing and my eyes are squeezed shut because I just can't look at him - it is just too embarrassing. Then it is time to roll over. So I take a deep breath and roll as fast as I can while holding the sheet tissue around me. And I'm feeling a little bit better because I know it's halfway over.  And just as I think it's okay, he pulls down the sheet to rub my back and tucks the sheet... Into. My. Panties. Except what I am wearing was not designed to have anything tucked into it and certainly not designed to be shared with a masseuse.


Then he asks me if I'm Mexican. I get that a lot. So I say no, I'm Lebanese. And he gets very excited, because he's from Egypt. And according to him, the Lebanese and Egyptians share a special connection. Well, I wasn't feeling any kind of connection - Egyptian or not. All I was feeling was that this was the longest hour EVER.


I know women do this all the time, on a regular basis with no problem. But I just can't. It's too awkward and uncomfortable...maybe I am prude. How would I know if I was? Do prude people recognize that they're prude? Is there some kind of prude assessment? Huuuuum, I'm gonna have to google that...

I Love Surprises

Today was my Friday and it was a great day! Super productive -got a lot done and a lot of things planned and on the agenda for next week. Getting organized for our August back to school , paperwork together for a conference in September, budget updated, brochures designed for a conference in November, and planning for our end of the year in December.  The year will be over before you know it and we are ready! I love marking things off my list!  The only thing that could have made the day better was if someone had surprised me with a cupcake. Oh wait, they did! A huge, giant, delicious cupcake. I only had half but I was so glad I ran this morning - really, the icing was about 2 inches thick. Sooooooo good!


Going to spend the rest of the night making preparations for M's birthday. I cannot believe she will be 5 next month! And I feel so behind - I usually have things planned by now. I write her a birthday poem invitation every year, which I haven't started.  I always try to personalize it to reflect the things she likes and the different phases from each year. This year may be a little bit challenging....how many different ways can I say she loves and wants to marry Nikolas? 

Done

Almost died on the treadmill today. Wanted to give up and stop running so bad...instead, I just said a few choice cuss words to myself and kept my legs moving and then, mercifully, it was over. That's the beauty of cardio...I'm just so happy to have survived it that I kinda forget how hard it is and always feel good afterwards.


Cardio and abs off my list - another day down...

Should They Be Pink?

No, eyes should not be pink. They shouldn't be swollen, watery, or goopy either. Unless you have pink eye - and then all of this is normal.


I knew something was wrong when I woke up on Monday. My eye was irritated and swollen and it got worse throughout the day. By the time I got home it was just a pink, watery, goopy little slit. Attractive, right?


This morning it was the other eye too. So now both eyes are swollen, although not as bad as yesterday. I stole some eye drops our pediatrician prescribed for the girls and I've been self medicating. Yes, I'm putting that imaginary medical degree to good use...but I've got to get this taken care of because I've got a meeting tomorrow. I can suck it up and accept that I'll probably have to wear my glasses the rest of the week but I do not want to address a group of people with gunky eye. Nerdy is doable, disgusting not so much...

Workout done! Biceps, triceps, back, shoulders, pushups, and too many squats. Best 50 minutes of my day!

I Meant To Wear Them This Way

Did you know that if you change clothes in front of a 4 year old that at some point they begin to notice and ask questions? They might even laugh and tell you that your panties are on backwards. And then tell Daddy that your "bobo" is hanging out because you are silly and forgot how to put on your panties. And if you are smart, like me, you will realize that your responses to that are really limited. Because 4 year olds talk. A lot. And they tell everyone everything. But they save the most embarrassing stories for strangers. Or people at church.


So, rather then explain that Mommy's panties are a little "different" and risk hearing "Hey, did you know my Mommy has on grown up panties that aren't suppose to cover her bobo?"  You should just laugh and say yes, you are silly and why yes, they are on backwards. And then pray that she forgets about your panties by next Sunday...

A Quarter Of A Point For Me

Not a great run today. I decided not to use the running program on my treadmill – just felt like doing a straight run. But it was weak. I know a large part of it is that I went to bed really late last night- too late. Not that I was doing anything, just wired up. I have got to get better about my sleeping habits. And I have got to stop watching Criminal Minds when I am alone. 

And then a song came on that made me…sad. And I lost all momentum. Music is so powerfully motivating for me.  I have got to get an ipod so I can get some of the right tunes going.  I need to get fired up and pumped when I run…the poignant and melancholy stuff doesn’t do it.

But the big picture is that I got up and did it, good run or not, and that’s something.  As long as I stay committed, I’m okay. Maybe not satisfied, but okay.   And I’m generally not satisfied anyway – I always seem to want more, bigger, faster, harder…an insatiable appetite.

And since I have a fondness for sharing bad pictures of myself – the first sans makeup and with mustache, the second sans makeup with pool hair – here is a shot of my nerdy look. I do have on makeup so it’s an upgrade, although I am not thrilled about having to wear the glasses. Oh well, I guess that’s what I get for wearing the same disposable contacts for 9 months…

This little Lebanese is off to work…

Got off early and went straight home and got on the treadmill.  I had a nice run and then did abs. Yay me!


This lazy, lethargic, slothful spirit I've had can shove it...I'm making a commitment to get back on track. Screw sleeping in, screw not having enough time, screw any and all of the obstacles or excuses I find....a great big, giant  - SCREW IT, I'M GOING TO FIND A WAY TO DO IT ANYWAY!


I'm taking all this energy, all this fight and I am doing this.

I've Been Cut...

for a cause! This will go to a cancer patient waiting for a wig.  I am certain it means much more to them then it ever did to me.  Goodbye long hair, hello making a difference...

The Bare Truth

So I ran out of the office, late for an appointment. Big surprise – I’m always late. Actually, that’s not true.  In my professional life I am usually early, always on time. In my personal life, you can count on me to show up just a teeny tiny bit late…Anyway, so I bust my behind getting there, with 4 minutes to spare, and then I had to sit and wait. That’s annoying. So I decide to post a quick little blog but it wouldn’t post. So I retyped the whole thing and sent it again. It still wouldn’t post. Ugh, that’s annoying too.

I’m getting kicked out of my office tomorrow. Just found out this morning. Unexpected and I’m not ready because originally I had until next Friday. Soooo, the rest of the afternoon will be spent packing. It’s been interesting working in the construction zone. They have plastic draped around me so I’m working in a little bubble. So when anyone comes to see me they have to pull back the curtain - I’m the prize behind door number one. 

It was the funniest thing because they were bringing in some sheetrock and three of the construction guys were standing there but the guy carrying it in was just this little tiny guy. Not to be mean, but it was comical to watch him struggle with this thing, which is awkward and heavy, while these other, much bigger and stronger, guys just watched. I mean, I wanted to try to help him myself; he was having that much trouble. I’m assuming he’s the new guy…But it’s been fun listening to them talk. I think they forget that I am here…much more entertaining than standard office dialogue.

One of the guys is apparently a big fan of going commando –which, great if that’s your thing more power to you – except his pants are too big. So when he bends over most of his rear is exposed. It is not a pretty site and he keeps trying to help me move things. This means he keeps bending over in front of me to pick up boxes. I’m like no, really, I got it. Yeah, promise, I can get this one…yet, he keeps trying to help me.  And expose me to things that no one should be exposed to. Really, my retinas are burning…

And he’s a chatty one so he tries to talk to me, which is just awkward because dude, I just saw your bare ass…

Mobile blogging stinks!

I'm Confused

Okay, so I totally messed that up! Nice. Here are my themes (in the correct order this time!):

Empathy - sense the emotions around me.

Communication - like to explain, describe, host, speak in public, and to write.

Developer - see the potential in others.

Belief- enduring core values - family-oriented, altruistic, spiritual, value responsibility and high ethics.

Context- look back to understand the present.

And that folks, is me as determined by StrengthsFinder...

Monday, Monday

Mondays are not typically  my most favorite days but today was an exception. Spent most the day working away and making some progress towards getting stuff done. It was fun and productive. Which is nice because lately I've been busy but not able to really concentrate on one thing and knock it out - too many interruptions and unexpected fires to put out. I just need one evening to be in the office after hours so that I can buckle down and get it done but that's a lot more challenging than it should be...

About a month ago I signed up for a free webinar on implementing a leadership assessment into a TRiO program - we are a long, long way from where we need to be but I'm always on the lookout for tools to make our program better, even if we can't implement them right now. Of course, two hours before it started I got the dreaded phone call from the daycare - sick kid. That always seems to happen at the most inconvenient times...not that I ever want my kiddos to be sick but I never get that call on down days. Never. So I missed it. I was so disappointed! 

But I did get a follow-up email with an access code to take the assessment, which I did. It identified 5 traits about my personality, which are to be used as strengths. My number one strength was - big surprise - communication. Yep, I'm a talker! This will not be shocking to those that know me - if it's one thing I can always do it's talk. This has been helpful in my job because I do enjoy presenting and coming up with fun workshops - I do like the creative process of finding different ways to share information. And obviously, I like to write too. I always have. I used to write stories and poems and when I was young I kept a diary. Then I got old enough to actually have interesting things to write in the diary and I decided that maybe I didn't need to record so much about my life...

My second strongest trait was empathy. I would like to think that I strive to understand others but I was surprised that this was my number two...I don't know how adept I am at sensing other's feelings but I do think it's important to try to understand those around me.  I was, however, always good at sensing when people had something to hide...of course, I'm not sure this was actually a case of "sensing" or just plain old paying attention. Or in the case of some of my former boyfriends, just sloppiness on their part. I mean, nothing screams cheating as obviously as picking up your girlfriend from the airport with hickeys on your neck. That was just dumb and in poor taste.

So we're going to use this curriculum for our state leadership program. I got confirmation from someone that has used it that it's useful and worthwhile. It will be nice that I will have some time to become familiar with it before I start using it with my students. Plus I'm just excited to see what everyone's strengths are...so super pumped to get this stuff going. I think we are going to have an awesome leadership program!

So thank you Monday for being kind, let's keep the rhythm for tomorrow and see what else I can accomplish...I may even be able to see my desk by the end of the week!

I Heart Weekends

Had a great weekend - swimming, cooking out, sister time, a popcorn machine (my big sis rocks!), and back to back movie nights. That's the kind of stuff I enjoy.  And as a bonus I got a surprise phone call from a dear friend. Really made me wish we lived closer to each other - she's such a special person.  And it's so nice to know I am thought of...I am so fortunate to have such wonderful friends.

I won't mention workouts and by the omission you can probably deduce what that means but I'm focusing on the fun that I had and ignoring the rest.

Meeting with a former student this morning and then spending the rest of the day with one of my favorite people. I'm going to try very hard to focus on the business that we need to take care of - I could just spend the entire time visiting with her about personal and completely irrelevant stuff but I'm going to focus and get some stuff done. Super excited to begin planning for the 2011-2012 Emerging Leaders Institute. We have some great ideas and I think we can take it to a new level of professionalism - that's the goal at least!

Off to wrap up a few things off my to do list before the day becomes too hectic...

Rollin

It is 10 minutes to 10:00 and I have already made breakfast, fed the kids, run the pool vacuum twice, cleaned M's jeep, washed and sanitized the kitchen trash can, loaded and unloaded the dishwater, cleaned the kitchen, organized the girl's shoes, carried 4 bags of luggage upstairs, and gathered a box of clothes for donation.  Hooray for being productive!

I'm going to wrap up the cleaning, put all the laundry away and then the rest of the afternoon will be spent playing - I'm thinking pool time. And sometime today, no matter what, I will get my strength training in. Although, doesn't lugging around a 26 pound baby up and down the stairs count? Even just a little?

Happy Friday To Me

So I'm walking down the hall when I run into a collegue. We visit for a brief minute but he seemed...weird. It was just different from other times that we've chatted. No big deal. So I head outside the building and catch a reflection of myself in a mirrored window and notice a huge wet spot on my shirt. Apparently, when I washed my hands in the restroom the water had splattered on me. Right on my chest. Right in the worst place possible on my chest. It completely looked like I was lactating.

Really? Are. You. Kidding. Me.

I am absolutely certain that he noticed and was trying not to notice and was probably very embarrassed for me. Thanks, I have enough embarrassment, no need for yours too...

Next time I see him I will have to make a point of visiting with him so that he can see that chest leakage is not a regular occurrence and that no, he should not avoid me for fear of being exposed to uncomfortable and awkward water spots. Although I can make no guarantees about any other awkward, uncomfortable, and ultimately humorous situations as I have special talent for creating those.

Well, at least now I know what to do if I ever want to keep a meeting short...

Progress

So far so good – I’m trying my best to get back on track. I did strength training yesterday and just started back from what I had been doing. After 3 weeks off that may not have been the wisest decision because I was sore this morning.  Mainly my legs. They were in shock from the squats. And I woke up a couple of times last night because my hip was hurting. It’s the craziest thing that my hip hurts at my age – I am way too young for that nonsense!  My doctor said it is most likely related to my c-sections and may eventually go away. I’m like, eventually? It’s been almost 2 years…In the meantime, I feel like an 70 year old grandma.

I only get half a point today. I did get up and get on the treadmill but I didn’t run. I didn’t want to overdo it and be too sore to do anything tomorrow so I power walked/lightly jogged. Not the most satisfying workout but it’s a step in the right direction and I’m counting everything positive.  Benny is not real happy about the whole workout thing. I think he is probably the only person in the world that gets irritated when their spouse exercises. Not that it has to anything to do with the actual workout; he just gets mad that the alarm wakes him up so early. Which is a little discouraging when I’m trying to get and stay motivated.  I have tried to do evening workouts but it just doesn’t work…so I have no solutions.

Our office move will be happening soon. They are actually making some major changes and remodeling the offices that we currently have – they start knocking walls down today.  Our new offices are not vacated yet so we’re going to try to work through the remodel, which should be interesting.  For the most part my office won’t be affected so we’re using it as storage – it looks crazy and everything is a mess but it’s workable.  We aren’t really able to fully function during all this so it’s a bit challenging but I’m excited about the change and looking forward to getting settled into our new place.

M had a dance recital the other night – so stinkin cute! She did such a good job. And at the end she looked at me with the biggest smile and gave me a big thumbs up. That kid cracks me up.  She is such a performer. One of the little girls got overwhelmed and started crying about halfway through and M just couldn’t understand why she was crying. The concept that not everyone wants to be the center of attention is foreign to her.  I love that she is fearless and not intimidated by anything – I hope she continues to live so fully. She told me the other day that she wanted to be a ballerina, a cowgirl, and a karate girl. And that pretty much fits her personality perfectly.

M2 seems to be more like me when I was a child – she’s reserved, hesitant, and doesn’t like new people.  But she’s a feisty little thing! And such a temper – and she doesn’t mind letting you have it. She’s not talking in sentences yet but man, it isn’t hard to tell when she’s upset with you.  And so, so ornery.  But she flashes me that smile and I melt…she already knows how to work it.

My hip hurts and my abs are shot but they are worth it – so completely worth it...

Workout done!

Stuffed

My pants are too tight. Not ridiculously tight but tight enough that they don't look real great. I pulled them out of my old clothes stack - thinking I would be able to fit back into them but I'm not there yet. Probably if I had exercised in the last 3 weeks I could...but tummies don't flatten by themselves.  The positive thing is that I have meetings all morning - literally, back to back until about 1:30 so I'll be sitting and no one will notice and my shirt is long enough to hide the tightest part. I think.  The bad thing is that I may have trouble breathing today.

Saw a video last night from1998 and was struck by the fact that it doesn't seem like it was that long ago - 13 years but it seems like yesterday. Amazing, sometimes I forget how old I am. Not that I am old but just by the fact that I still feel like I should be in my twenties.  One of my former mentors told me one time that she was always surprised when she looked in the mirror to see the middle aged woman staring back because she felt the same inside as she always had. And now I completely understand what she means. Life moves fast.

I've heard people say that they look back on their lives and have no regrets, that every decision brought them to where they are today...that is so not the case with me. I think I could have found this road without the bumps and detours...I don't think we always have to live the lesson to learn it. Not that I'm filled with remorse but would I change things and would I have made some different decisions? Heck yeah!

I regret not taking my academics seriously. I regret that I was so easily intimidated. I regret a few relationships.  I regret leaning over the kayak too far and tipping everyone over while I was trying to whack the mean girl who kept throwing water at me. And I really regret that my aim was off and I missed her.
And today, I regret that I tried to squeeze into these pants...

If I Speak It

So no mention of working out the last few posts - simply because it hasn't been happening lately. Tomorrow is the last day of my medication and I will be back on track on Thursday morning.

I have to put this out there to make sure I will follow through and now that it's been spoken...I will have to do it. It isn't enough that I just decide to do it - I have to share it with the world. Or the one person who may happen to read this...but by sharing, or believing that I am sharing,  I have to follow through. Just because I said I would and would feel bad if I didn't do what I said I would. Ahhh, the power of guilt.

It's really a shame that I only know how to use this guilt mechanism on myself, and not on others because I could see it being really effective. I am always amazed at how some women can throw a look or make a comment and bam! they get what they want. I just never mastered that. Maybe I just didn't care enough to, I've got too much of the whatever attitude to ever make that work...

But then, I am difficult in my own ways...I'm a lot to handle. Too much sometimes.

I Am A Domestic Goddess

So that's not exactly true. Okay, it's not true at all. But I want to be a goddess of something and that seems to be the least of a stretch.  Because I am domestic. Kinda.

So domestic goddess it is...

I'm in a bizarre funk. Not blue or anything but just...blah. I don't have a reason to be, in fact, I should be super pumped because summer is here and life is good.... but I am.  I'm sure it's a combination of things but I am ready to shed this skin and find some enthusiasm. Quickly,  because I am tired of myself. 

It's one thing to feel bored with someone; a completely different thing to be restless and bored with yourself. 

Things have been going well at work - my newness is wearing off and I'm beginning to feel like I know a little something.  I still have a lot to learn so really, I just know enough to be a nuisance but it's nice to know something. When you've been somewhere for a long time you take for granted that you know all the policies, procedures, and politics - you just know them, go in, do your job and function. It's easy. But when you're out of the loop, everything is cumbersome. So it's nice to be making progress.

We opened the pool last week. I spent a few hours working on it but Benny took over when it was time to actually get in - I just can't get in the pool until it's completely clear. It's just too gross for me. So, he spent the rest of the day doing the really hard stuff.  It is so much work. Unless you have a pool (or a pool boy), you have no idea the amount of work that goes into maintenance. It's ridiculous.  And ridiculously expensive.

But I do enjoy having it - I love just floating around. Especially late nights  when it's dark out and I can look up and see the stars...then it seems worth it. To me, at least. I think Benny would disagree, especially this year because he decided it was either the pool or the boat - not both because they are too expensive to maintain. He would have opted for the boat but we actually use the pool more...the boat is a weekend only toy and he works most weekends so...the pool it is.  So we opened it and it's almost ready - we may be able to swim this weekend. I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

I'm off to paint my nails and soak in the bath because that's what any other goddess would do, right?

Plummeting

I went to the doctor today and was given a prescription only to discover that this particular medicine has a high risk of tendon damage or breakage. Throughout the information packet is had, in bold, do not exercise or do strenuous work while on this medication.

I'll only be taking it for a week but really? Ugh, I am so frustrated. Really though, it's my own fault...if I would have worked out while on vacation (which I totally could and should have) and this past week then one week wouldn't seem like such a big deal but now, this will be three weeks and that makes a big difference. I can already tell changes in my body and I feel like I"m getting soft. Well, more soft.

It's just so easy for me to slip back into poor habits and so much easier to hit the snooze button and sleep in instead of getting up and doing something....I'm just concerned that I won't get back into it like I should.

Ugh, I wish I could just be one of those "I love to workout, it's my passion!" kind of people but I am not. I am so not. I mean, I always feel good afterwards but I have to make myself do it...

I know a large part of it is because I haven't been well and that always puts me in a funk...so one more week....

I am hopeful that at the end of the week I will feel 100 percent again and find the motivation that I am so desperately seeking...either that or I'm going to have to put a picture of me in a bikini on the bathroom mirror to remind myself why I need to workout...

Taking my crabby behind to bed...